Gush. Just J-E-L-L-O

“I don’t want to be just one thing. I want to be brave, and honest, and intelligent, and kind.” Yes this is taken directly from Theo James, known as “Four” in the movie Divergent. He utters these sweet words to Shailene Woodley, also known as “Beatrice ‘Tris’ Prior”. If you watch the preview this is the moment where he exposes his back tattoo without Tris asking him to. The tattoo is a mess and unfocused, very much like the opening quote of this blog. At the bottom of the tattoo is a tree symbol; a symbol very similar to the Timberland logo. It all clicked. He is known as ‘Four’ because that is the size of his work boots. Holla Holla.

At the end of the movie, he pulls a mission impossible and removes his face mask. It was Ken Jeong the whole time. I’m not Dr. Schulz, but I can safely say the brother was on heels and ‘gellin’…

Eagle

I wonder why it is so tough to land a starring role in a good movie. Probably because you suck at acting and whatever movie you star in, never becomes a good movie. So quit complaining.

Thank God for the intense selection criteria “Hollywood” implements. They turn people I use to respect into slugs. Take Adam Sandberg for example; an individual who was called to Harvard to give the new grads a farewell speech. It was beautiful, hilarious, and original. Many of his songs were nothing short of classical. Has anyone seen worse humor on the tube then on the show Brooklyn Nine-Nine? Whoever is writing those scripts is ruining Mr. Sandberg’s career.

I really like that show The Blacklist. At times my ethical conscience drips guilt in my heart and makes me turn it off. Yes, this is a show about a man who helps the FBI find the most wanted criminals in the world. They call this list of criminals “The Blacklist.” No comment.

I think the biggest criminal in the world is the individual involved in distributing endless free ice cream coupons in the mail. Who’s paying Wendy off? No pun intended.

You know our economy is improving when USPS delivers your goods after sunset. I hate using sarcasm in my writing. Thus you know I truly mean everything I say. 

;)

Felitsa

OOOOOOOOOOOKKKKAAYY! So our population is growing, it is insane. What is going on?

It’s not that bad in America. Why is that? In China and India, it’s uncontrollable.

I believe I know what the problem is. In America, unfortunately, many people meet at bars and areas where alcohol is served. This allows individuals to lower their standards, and end up with a significant other they would never want to see the outcome of a genetic combination.

In China and India, they don’t use alcohol as much. They go to coffee shops. Sharpen their senses. Some coffee shops probably give them ADHD medications to enhance their attention skills. This allows them to select the most fertile individual in the room; a genetic combination which will assist in producing the next Yiànnis Hryssomàllis. 

Womb

What does a blanket do? It makes us warm by trapping heat. The blanket itself does not emit heat. So why does a thicker blanket help us stay warmer. It really boils down to the quality of the blanket and how much thermal preservation the material provides. Unfortunately, I was severely disappointed that no one at bed bath and beyond could tell me this. I would think that would be the first question in the interview.

People should know about the products they sell and to whom. Clothing Retail Stores manage to do an excellent job in this. They make their sales associates know everything about everything.  My first retail job experience required me to enter with an open mind. It also required me to maintain that lack of ignorance. The manager wanted us to try on all the male jeans so we know how to explain the fit to the customers. I did this with no problem. He then asked us to try on the women jeans. No way would I allow myself to try on garments which required one to have hips designed for birth. My career in retail was cut short. 

Lamp

It’s December and the weather is wonderful….I don’t think this is a good sign. Losing seasons just doesn’t seem right. It disrupts the homeostasis of people with seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Light therapy products would lose demand and businesses would be forced to close.

That’ll be good though, people with SAD would be cured. People who manufactured products to cure SAD would be out of a job. This would make them “sad.” They will turn to anti-depressants and it’ll be a Prozac nation. Then we will have a bunch of people who are super happy, breathing in ozone and oxidants.  Dido’s songs would sound so much better, sunny, and more enthusiastic.

“If you give me just a coin for every time we say goodbye

Well I’d be rich beyond my dreams, …”  Dido- I’m no Angel

What an optimist!!!! :)

Bread

How can we be sure of it?

What can we do to never look back and have confidence that it was done?

The iron is off. The stoves are off. No toast in the toaster. The browsing history is cleared.

Do you need that constant re-assurance?

We all have times where we need to be reminded. It gets annoying when someone is constantly reminding us. For example, when we see someone like miley cyrus and Justin bieber, we get an instant reminder of how blessed we are to not be them. With them selling billions of records and being on every wall in public places, I’ve never felt so thankful in my life. My body has “adapted” to the feeling of thankfulness. I no longer acknowledge it. When someone gives me a gift, I don’t even say thank you anymore. You can blame that on Miley Cyrus and Bieber Fever.

I went to a third world country and I needed to make some passport photos. They asked me what template I wanted. On each passport sized photo, there was a picture of Justin Bieber. Yes, this was a country in which English is not the first language. I understand billboard, but broken down photo store in the middle of nowhere? I have to question the intentions of the store owners. I feel like maybe R. Kelly has invested in a chain of passport photo shops.

What’s up with rap music these days? It’s worthless, unless you have a significant other. Copy-paste the lyrics and throw it on a hallmark card. Best seasons greetings. If you never want to see him or her again. 

Coins

There is this third world country. They elected a president who likes to push people until they complain and stand up for their rights. He created a toll road. He charged 1 currency for the path. No one complained. He raised it to two currencies. Maybe two or three people said something to the individuals manning the toll booths. He then raised it to five currencies and got the workers manning the toll booth to hit all drivers with a shoe once. No one complained. He wanted his people to stand up for their rights and have the toll booth removed, they just had to ask. The president then took it up a notch and raised it to 6 currencies and 5 hits by the shoe. Frustrated citizens went to visit the president to finally complain. The president was excited. He has been waiting for this moment. He was proud to see his countrymen to stand up for their beliefs.

The citizens walked up to the president and said, “Mr. President, the toll booth is causing us problems. It is really slowing down traffic by having one person hit us five times; it would be easier if you had five people hitting us once each. Traffic would be a lot smoother.”