serious?

I wish the school bus system was still available to college students and the corporate world. It would increase employment and no one would ever be late to work. Bus driving would be a dream for children. “The Magic School Bus” would have a whole new meaning.

Frequent tardiness to work can get you fired. If you know you are going to be tardy every day, just stay at home and collect welfare checks. It’ll be better for you. Fly to Switzerland, open a bank account. Deposit all your checks there. Make a rap song about your Swiss bank account and retire.

Why do checks have your home address and phone number on it? I went to a video rental store and paid for Life of Pi by check. I go home and I receive a phone call at 10pm, “Hey bro is this *****?” I respond with a “Yes.” “Oh dude how was that movie, did you like it? Man the lion was crazy wasn’t he?" I was like “who the hell is this?! And! I did not watch it yet!” Next day same guy is sitting in my driveway, trying to watch the movie with me.

Loneliness is something everyone battles with at least once in their lives. I strongly urge you to not consider a check as an invite to cure your loneliness.

Does anyone have friends who use a lot of cologne? You’re lucky.

I had a friend; for months I thought he was addicted to cocaine. I tried to get him checked in a rehab center, turned him into the police, told his mom, tazed him, nothing was working. He would always have white powder all over the back of his neck, on his face, and shirt. He was making irrational decisions like hanging out with me and eating lunch before breakfast. He finally caved and told me what was going on. He was addicted to baby powder. Yes, Johnson & Johnson, you have adult consumers; congrats- start a new line.